This post has been one in the making of my heart and mind for quite a while and I am just now getting around to putting my thoughts into words. Mostly, I write down these thoughts for myself so I am able to look back and be reminded at how the Lord worked in my own heart, but also am hopeful that it may be an encouragement to others.
This summer has been one of the most challenging by far. I know that most of you want to roll your eyes at this statement, especially for those who know that I am a teacher and think this is not possible for me to have a "challenge" when I get a break from my job as a teacher during summer. Most people think that a chance to enjoy a slower pace of life shouldn't have any challenges. Those folks also may think that I am complaining and not grateful for a break away from my job in the classroom. So, I preface this by saying I am filled with much gratitude for this season called summer. My boys and I have enjoyed many relaxing mornings filled with coffee, reading scripture together, and going from pj's to swim suits and back to pj's.
As I look back on the past two months, I remember many days ending with me telling my husband that I feel like I live the same day over and over again when it comes to teaching our two boys. We have a rising fourth grader and rising second grader this summer. Both boys have shown growth in many areas since coming to live with us over two years ago. However, one area rises to the top as being the most difficult and if I am honest, feels like the one in which it is hard to see growth. Both boys came to us pretty much as non readers. So, the educator in me, thought that I would take the opportunity of summer time to really invest in their reading and math skills. So, our first summer together came and went. Summer number two came and went. We worked on reading and math both summers and saw little growth. When summer three arrived two months ago, I thought to myself, "This is the summer. This is going to be the summer when my work gets easier and pays off and I will finally get to see a lot of progress!" But as I have began to face reality recently, these past two months have been full of days that have actually felt the complete opposite of that.
We have a routine for our summer days that consist of reading and working on math facts before any screen time. Screen time includes anything that has a screen, like tablets, gaming systems, and tv. I thought this would be a great motivator considering how much the boys love anything with a screen involved! A few weeks in, I found it was a good motivator for the ten year old as he would get his work done quickly to earn his screen time. The eight year old was a bit of a different story. He would think of anything to do besides reading and math. He would play in his room, play outside, even help me with chores to not have to do the hard work of reading. But, I would eventually have to make him and more days than not, this time began and ended with tears. He would explain how reading is still so hard for him. I do recognize how much effort it takes on his part to still sound out words and try to make meaning of the words on the page. My heart aches for him as I watch how hard this task is for him. But, I know how much he needs to practice in order to keep making progress. I keep telling him how it takes practice to continue to make progress. I feel like this statement has been on repeat day after day.
As I think about summer coming to a close, I sometimes get sad that reading for them is simply not enjoyable. Not only is it something they dislike, it is indeed something that is still really frustrating. I can feel defeated that this is still something we are struggling with three summers later.
Then, just as God always does when we invite him into the hard places, He met me here and reminded me of some beautiful truths. He did this through His Word and His Spirit through the words of my husband.
Dan would remind me on our summer evenings that often times, our work is hard and frustrating. Sometimes we don't even get to see the progress of our work. We work simply because God has called us to it. God has asked me to love and teach these boys. Period. The verses from Colossians that I have meditated on (sometimes right in the middle of one of the boys SLOWLY reading a book) say, " Work willingly at WHATEVER you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ."
These timeless truths from God's word speak to me right in the middle of our books. I am NOT only doing this tiring work so these boys will be better readers. I am doing it because the Lord has asked me to. And that is enough of a reason to keep on keeping on. Day after day. When the tears come, when the complaining comes, when it feels as if I can't do it one more day because it seems like it doesn't make any difference whether I do this work or not...God's Word tells me that it does make a difference. It does matter. It is work that is serving Christ, my Lord. No matter what the results are, this work is shaping me. It is showing me that sometimes my work only matters to the Lord.
Dan would also point me towards the idea that the fruit of my work may be more in teaching our boys discipline. Most children don't want to work at something that is hard for them, especially during the summer. They want to do things that they are good at, things that come easy to them, and things that are fun. However, a lot of times, God asks us to do something for the sake of doing it, becoming more disciplined in the process. On the surface, it feels like I am only teaching them how to sound out words and use good reading strategies. But then, when I take a step back, I wonder if it could be more about teaching them to deny self, teaching them how to have discipline in other areas later in life. Our boys, like a lot of young children, haven't done too many things that are hard and require work...a lot of work. They need loving adults in their life to model how to work for them and push them into areas that require hard work for them. This is my job as their mom. Not one that is easy, but I am learning that it is one that is necessary.
So, I am actually beginning to see that there just may be some purpose in my work this summer. Just when it felt like there wasn't many tangible results from the work that we have ALL been doing in our home this summer, it appears that there may be some deeper and more meaningful purposes to all this. I am learning that God has purpose in all of our work and that if we allow them, He is using it all for our good and His Glory!
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