Ashes into Beauty

April 24, 2015. 6 years ago today. I have retold the events of this day many times and those who know me have heard this story over and over for six years. But I will never tire of sharing it and am hopeful others don’t get tired of hearing it. There are many reasons I love to tell it, but mostly, I tell it because it helps me remember God’s faithfulness. 

Last night at the dinner table, I asked everyone the question, “Do you know what tomorrow is?” After several incorrect guesses, I revealed it. 

Six years ago, we drove to a Cracker Barrel on 1-85 and met our two boys for the very first time. As I was telling the story again last night, the boys were half way listening, as they’ve heard the story countless times by now, when Chris said, “It seems like it’s been longer than six years.” After I explained that it indeed was six years, I told him that our memories are funny that way because we often think of significant events from our lives as being a “long time ago” or “just yesterday”. Although we have lived a lot of life over the past six years, for me, it feels more along the lines of "just yesterday" as I can clearly remember parts of that day like it was only yesterday.

As we drove into the parking lot of Cracker Barrel that day, Dan and I were just as scared as our boys were. We were all entering into new territory and our circumstances felt out of our control. Looking back, I now believe that we needed them that day as much as they needed us.

The drive home that first night consisted of questions like, “Are you hungry?” and “What is your favorite food?” and “Do you like pizza?”. We still laugh at Jacob’s response to the last question. His seven year old self answered, “I can tear up some pizza” We all laughed and found some common ground that night. We all loved pizza and we’ve eaten our share of pizza over the past six years. 

As I mentioned earlier, we were all living in an area that felt out of control for us. Our boys were entering into the foster care system because they needed someone to care for them. They were fearful as they didn't know what the future held for them. Similarly, Dan and I were fearful and didn't know what the future held for us as well. Dan and I had found ourselves right in the middle of a season of infertility. We were asking, and even begging, God to give us what we wanted, which was a baby. Instead, we entered into a season of confusion, brokenness, and mourning as we weren’t able to get pregnant. What God did give us was exactly what we needed, which was an increased faith. We were able to trust God to give us not what we wanted or thought we needed, but what He knew we needed. What we needed was an opportunity to trust God. And we found that opportunity when we started to foster our two boys. 

After dinner last night, I was thinking back on the past six years, God reminded me of this promise in His word to us from Isaiah. 

He will give a crown of beauty for ashes,

a joyous blessing instead of mourning,

    festive praise instead of despair.

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks

    that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

Isaiah 61:3

In a way, we were all bringing ashes to that parking lot that night we first met. And now, it is a miracle that God has brought beauty out of our ashes. For all of us. Although we all had found ourselves in a place of brokenness and sorrow that day, God has been faithful to us. He calls us onward and forward. He doesn’t want us to stay stuck in our hard places. He wants us to call on Him and trust him to take care of us, in spite of the hard places we find ourselves in. This is what He wants for us, to recognize our need for Him to do what only He can do for us, give beauty for our ashes.

So, whatever hard place you find yourself in today, I challenge you to draw near to your creator and ask God to show you His great love and kindness to you, even right in the midst of your hard place. He longs to show you his goodness and faithfulness and wants us to come close to him and ask for His presence. He wants to enter into our ashes and transform them into crowns of beauty. While we don't ignore the brokenness that we've experienced, we believe that God has been faithful to help us heal and see how He has given us an opportunity to praise Him and how our lives are ultimately meant for His Glory. Yes, even the hard parts. Especially the hard parts. All parts of our lives were created for Him and His glory.

So, thanks for reading and in a way, sharing in our 6 anniversary of seeing our ashes turn to beauty. I hope each of us will pause and look back at God's faithfulness to us. It's a beautiful reminder when we do, and it also helps us to move forward believing that He is able to continue to be faithful in whatever our current circumstances are.

PS- The first picture is one of the first pictures we have of our boys. It was taken after their first shower. The second picture is our most recent picture with the boys from Easter this year, 2021. I love both of these for different reasons. Mostly, they are sweet reminders of God's faithfulness and love for me.

PSS- Also, if you feel led, pray for our family as we are entering into a new season of opening our home again to some little fosters. Stay tuned for updates!