Foster Care- A Story of Justice & Hope

    The foster care system in and of itself is a only needed because of the brokenness of our world. Having been involved in the world of fostering for the past 6 years has shown me more of the reality of just how broken it is. Don't misunderstand me, I know I don't have to look farther than my own heart to see this brokenness and I am understanding my need for Jesus the more life I live. However, we have entered into more messiness and seen some up close suffering as we have opened our hearts and home to loving some very venerable children and their families. Our most recent fostering experience was one that showed us both the justice and the hope that can come from a very broken situation. 

    Dan and I felt like we understood the goal of fostering pretty well prior to our last little foster being in our family. We know, agree, and believe whole heartedly that the goal of every foster situation is reunification between the foster child(ren) and their birth family. Often times, people don't fully understand this part of foster care. The foster care system has a purpose. The purpose is to bring children back together with their families. We also know that, unfortunately, this isn't always a possible or healthy outcome for every foster child and their family of origin. But when we agree to open our home to a new little one in foster care, our prayer is always for reunification with their family. 

    Some of you know many details about our past foster daughter being with us. And others may know very little, but I wanted to share it with all of you for several reasons. One reason is to thank those of you who walked closely with us through this journey. We couldn't have done it without our family, friends, and church who came alongside side us and truly lightened our load both in tangible, physical ways and in support through prayer and friendship. Another reason is to offer encouragement to those of you who find yourself in the current trenches of fostering or maybe just considering this ministry of foster care. However, the biggest reason that I would like to share our story is because God told me to. The day after our 8 year old foster left our home, I read the following scripture in Psalm 96: 

Sing a new song to the Lord!
    Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!
2 Sing to the Lord; praise his name.
    Each day proclaim the good news that he saves.
3 Publish his glorious deeds among the nations.
    Tell everyone about the amazing things he does.
4 Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!

    If I'm being honest, I was feeling the demands of my job and life and didn't know if I had the time to really process and put into words what God had done in our lives and in the precious life of our little foster. But when God speaks to you directly like he did to me through His word, I knew I had to share out of obedience to Him, so here goes...

    We received a call about an 8 year old girl on Wednesday, April 28 from our placement agency, Miracle Hill. They told us the small amount of information they knew of her situation over the phone and we said we would pray for her and her family and call back with our answer as to if we could receive her into our care. Dan felt a little hesitant with some of the information that was shared with us. We were both concerned about the situation she was being removed from and knew our calling was to pray for reunification for her with her birth family. It was clear that it was a necessary removal on DSS part and we felt like it would be very difficult on our end to really want this little girl to be put back into the situation in the future. That evening, we were taking a class at our church with our community group. The class was on race and justice, not necessarily connected to fostering. The class was really incredible and we learned a lot (but that is a story for another day). However, during the class, a scripture was shared that I truly felt like God was speaking intentionally and specifically to me about this little girl and what our decision should be. We had been praying all day asking God to tell us if we were supposed to open our home to her. And just like our faithful God always does when we ask him for help- He answers. Here is the scripture:

    God presides over heaven's court;

        he pronounces judgment on the heavenly beings:

    "How long will you hand down unjust decisions by favoring the wicked?

    Give justice to the poor and the orphan;

     Uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute. 

    Rescue the poor and helpless.      Psalm 82: 1-4 NIV

    As soon as it was read, it took all I had to wait until the end of the class to tell Dan that I felt like God had given us an answer to our prayers. 

    We met our little 8 year old girl (I will call her E for the purpose of protecting her) the following day,  Thursday. April 29 to be exact. It wasn't exactly the day we would have chosen to add an addition to our family, but Dan and I have come to the realization that there will never be an ideal day or time to welcome a foster child. If we were to wait on a perfect day, we would likely never have the opportunity to foster. Most of the time, we just need to have an open heart and an open door in order to allow God to show up and allow Him to work. So, for us, this time, it meant that the 8 year old showed up an hour before we were hosting our son's soccer team for an end of the year soccer party with about 40 people in our home. This is how our first night began with her in our home, crazy and full! We all just smiled as she arrived and agreed that we were all in it together and so we all needed to just hold on tight and get going on our mission.

    Early on in having our newest family addition, we knew there were paternal grandparents who lived in Florida who had expressed a desire to take care E. We were thankful to know that there were options for our little girl to have for her future. We knew that DSS was also trying to help her mom and dad by giving them the support and education they needed in order to be able to properly take care of their daughter and be reunified. However, DSS was also considering her grandparents as caretakers as their home was checking out to be a safe and healthy option. There were many obstacles in place of this option such as a language barrier (E only speaks English and her grandparents only speak Spanish), a long distance between them and us, and the fact that our foster's daughters relationship with her grandparents had not been a priority and therefore they were not given many opportunities to grow their relationship prior to her being with us. 

      E was primarily with us for our summer break, so we mostly just had a lot of fun together. We went to the beach, lake, waterparks, and made lots of memories. We also began to have weekly video calls between E and her grandparents. These were mostly uncomfortable for E in the beginning as she didn't know how to communicate with them because of the language barrier. DSS provided a translator, but E was often frustrated and wanted to end the call. We encouraged her and over time the calls got easier and E began to enjoy the conversations more. She was able to see how much her grandparents loved her and were eager to see her and talk to her. 

    As time went on, it became more apparent that the best place for E was in Florida with her grandparents. DSS made the decision to move her on Monday, August 2. On that day, they gave us a two week notice to begin preparing E for her move and preparing all of us for our time with her to come to a close. Originally, DSS planned to fly E down to Miami to live with her grandparents. Dan and I didn't feel like this was the best way to transition E from our care to such a new and unfamiliar home for her. We realize that is often how foster children experience being placed in a foster home and these placements can often times be traumatic for a child. These transitions are not ideal, but necessary in order to get them into a safe home. But we felt like E's transition from our care to her grandparent's care shouldn't have to add more trauma to her life. 

    We asked DSS if we could propose an idea to them and E's grandparents. We asked if they would consider driving to Greenville from Miami and staying with us for a few days in order to make E's transition a better experience for her. After some consideration, they agreed and plans were made for them to make the trip up to spend the weekend with us in our home. As the weekend approached, we were all a little nervous, especially with the language barrier. They only speak Spanish and our family and E only speak English. What we didn't know prior to their arrival was just how beautiful our time with them would be, despite our different languages. We were soon to find out just how much we had in common and each of us able to experience more of God's kindness and love for us. 

    On Sunday morning of their weekend with us, we went to a Spanish service at one of our church's campuses. When we began singing during worship, them in Spanish and us in English, her grandparents started crying and her grandfather reached over and hugged us and started thanking us for taking care of E. It is difficult to put into words how incredible this was to experience. Worshipping God together brought us together like nothing else in this world could have done. We were truly unified in the name of Jesus. I couldn't quite grasp how BIG God's kindness and how generous He was being to us in this moment. I tried to soak in His power and goodness as much as I could. It was one of those times where I wanted to freeze time so I could truly remember how much God loves me. How much He longs to love us and give us good gifts. 

    We spent the rest of the time that weekend with them depending on the gracious help of translators, one from DSS and some from our friends who spoke both Spanish and English. We shared stories of E during her time with us and they shared stories about their home and culture with us. 

    Looking back, I can't imagine our lives without this little girl becoming a part of our family. And although she only spent 4 short months with us, it felt like in a way, we had known her for most of her life. We also felt like even though she was moving 10 hours away, she would always be a special part of our family. It also felt that our family grew that weekend as we added her grandparents and her 14 year old uncle to our family. It was especially amazing to look back at all the times that God had given us answers and direction on how this foster care story would go. He had written it already and allowed us to join in on His plans for E's life. We consider ourselves the recipients of God's favor and kindness just as much as E was. 

    In the beginning, we couldn't have foreseen a good outcome to E's situation when we first heard about it. However, this experience will forever mark us all as the time that God took a broken story and displayed His justice and hope for us all to witness. God is at work and longs to give justice and hope to all of us...both foster children and us. It is only our God who can orchestrate such a beautiful outcome.  

PS- A quick update on E- we talk to her weekly via Facetime and she is adjusting well. She has started school and slowly learning some Spanish, with the help of Google Translate! We miss her dearly but know our presence in her life was purposeful. We are grateful to have been given the opportunity to be a part of her life.

Ashes into Beauty

April 24, 2015. 6 years ago today. I have retold the events of this day many times and those who know me have heard this story over and over for six years. But I will never tire of sharing it and am hopeful others don’t get tired of hearing it. There are many reasons I love to tell it, but mostly, I tell it because it helps me remember God’s faithfulness. 

Last night at the dinner table, I asked everyone the question, “Do you know what tomorrow is?” After several incorrect guesses, I revealed it. 

Six years ago, we drove to a Cracker Barrel on 1-85 and met our two boys for the very first time. As I was telling the story again last night, the boys were half way listening, as they’ve heard the story countless times by now, when Chris said, “It seems like it’s been longer than six years.” After I explained that it indeed was six years, I told him that our memories are funny that way because we often think of significant events from our lives as being a “long time ago” or “just yesterday”. Although we have lived a lot of life over the past six years, for me, it feels more along the lines of "just yesterday" as I can clearly remember parts of that day like it was only yesterday.

As we drove into the parking lot of Cracker Barrel that day, Dan and I were just as scared as our boys were. We were all entering into new territory and our circumstances felt out of our control. Looking back, I now believe that we needed them that day as much as they needed us.

The drive home that first night consisted of questions like, “Are you hungry?” and “What is your favorite food?” and “Do you like pizza?”. We still laugh at Jacob’s response to the last question. His seven year old self answered, “I can tear up some pizza” We all laughed and found some common ground that night. We all loved pizza and we’ve eaten our share of pizza over the past six years. 

As I mentioned earlier, we were all living in an area that felt out of control for us. Our boys were entering into the foster care system because they needed someone to care for them. They were fearful as they didn't know what the future held for them. Similarly, Dan and I were fearful and didn't know what the future held for us as well. Dan and I had found ourselves right in the middle of a season of infertility. We were asking, and even begging, God to give us what we wanted, which was a baby. Instead, we entered into a season of confusion, brokenness, and mourning as we weren’t able to get pregnant. What God did give us was exactly what we needed, which was an increased faith. We were able to trust God to give us not what we wanted or thought we needed, but what He knew we needed. What we needed was an opportunity to trust God. And we found that opportunity when we started to foster our two boys. 

After dinner last night, I was thinking back on the past six years, God reminded me of this promise in His word to us from Isaiah. 

He will give a crown of beauty for ashes,

a joyous blessing instead of mourning,

    festive praise instead of despair.

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks

    that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

Isaiah 61:3

In a way, we were all bringing ashes to that parking lot that night we first met. And now, it is a miracle that God has brought beauty out of our ashes. For all of us. Although we all had found ourselves in a place of brokenness and sorrow that day, God has been faithful to us. He calls us onward and forward. He doesn’t want us to stay stuck in our hard places. He wants us to call on Him and trust him to take care of us, in spite of the hard places we find ourselves in. This is what He wants for us, to recognize our need for Him to do what only He can do for us, give beauty for our ashes.

So, whatever hard place you find yourself in today, I challenge you to draw near to your creator and ask God to show you His great love and kindness to you, even right in the midst of your hard place. He longs to show you his goodness and faithfulness and wants us to come close to him and ask for His presence. He wants to enter into our ashes and transform them into crowns of beauty. While we don't ignore the brokenness that we've experienced, we believe that God has been faithful to help us heal and see how He has given us an opportunity to praise Him and how our lives are ultimately meant for His Glory. Yes, even the hard parts. Especially the hard parts. All parts of our lives were created for Him and His glory.

So, thanks for reading and in a way, sharing in our 6 anniversary of seeing our ashes turn to beauty. I hope each of us will pause and look back at God's faithfulness to us. It's a beautiful reminder when we do, and it also helps us to move forward believing that He is able to continue to be faithful in whatever our current circumstances are.

PS- The first picture is one of the first pictures we have of our boys. It was taken after their first shower. The second picture is our most recent picture with the boys from Easter this year, 2021. I love both of these for different reasons. Mostly, they are sweet reminders of God's faithfulness and love for me.

PSS- Also, if you feel led, pray for our family as we are entering into a new season of opening our home again to some little fosters. Stay tuned for updates!

 

When Your Child's Story Serves Others

Most folks know that my husband and I are passionate about the ministry of fostering and adoption. So, when our church recently partnered with Laurens County DSS to come alongside them and serve them, we were both excited for opportunities to jump in and help. One particular opportunity stands out to both us from this past spring.

Our church took a group of volunteers to the DSS office in Laurens County to spend a few hours there cleaning the rooms, giving donations of items they needed, and doing some other repair work on and around their property. Dan wanted to take our two boys, Jacob and Christopher, along for the serving day. If looking at this from the outside only, it appeared to be as simple as two young boys serving because they were signed up for a service project by their parents. However, when we slow down to take a closer look at what God is doing on the inside of their hearts, we can see God doing a mighty work. We can see how God used this experience, joined with many others, to shape our boys into the young men who God wants them to be.

Almost four years ago to the day of the "Just Serve" day with our church, our two boys found themselves in a similar environment of the DSS office in another county. It was a day of trauma, confusion, and a lot of fear for both of them. For many years, when our boys heard the word DSS, they had some strong emotions of anger associated with it and would refer to them as "bad people". Through time, maturity, and healing, I can now say that they see the process of fostering and even the work that DSS does a little differently. While we believe that their experience will resurface and cause pain in their lives, we also believe that God is in the process of giving our boys a testimony to share with others who go through a similar life event. We have already seen small pieces of this beginning to unfold in their lives.

About seven months ago, we opened our home again to fostering. Dan and I walked into the situation with open eyes and hearts in order to be aware of how this could and would impact our boys. At that point, Jacob and Chris had been adopted for almost a year into our family. While they seemed to be adjusted, as we discuss often and openly the reasons for their adoption, we knew this event could reopen some past wounds for them. While keeping that in the forefront of our mind, we opened our home up to a seven year old little girl. As expected, she came into our home one evening around 9:30 pm in a state of trauma accompanied with A LOT of tears. Jacob, who is in fifth grade now, and Christopher, who is in third grade now, couldn't go to sleep because they heard her being extremely upset and crying in her room. I went in to check on both boys about an hour after she arrived and they were both affected by her sadness. Chris told me that he knew how she felt and he remembered feeling like she felt right then. As I wrapped my arms around him, he shared with me that night about how he remembered and connected with some of the sadness she was feeling to the sadness he felt his first night in our home. In the next few days, he was able to tell our little foster girl that he understood her sadness and that it would not always feel so sad for her. I was amazed at how a ten year old boy had the courage and words to offer her in a time of such great need. As our boys got to know her more over the coming months, I watched as they were able to offer her comfort and encouragement from their story in ways that Dan and I never could. It is something almost too impossible to put into words, except by saying that it is beautiful thing to witness God working in your own children's lives as they share with others about the comfort and healing they have found. We have a front row seat to see God transforming their story into one of redemption and beginning to allow them to share it as a source of hope to others.

We also saw another small glimpse of God's work of healing and redemption in our older son's heart on the service day at the DSS office in Laurens County. After a few hours of working there, Dan asked both boys if they would pray with him for the people who work and come to that office that week. Jacob, our 11 year old, prayed the most sincere prayer. He prayed a simple prayer, but they were words that we will remember forever. Jacob's prayer was, "God, please help the boys and girls who come here to not be so scared."

Jacob has that feeling of being so scared inside the DSS office etched in his memory forever. He understands what the uncertainty of being in that place feels like for those children. Both of our boys can remember going for visitations with their birth parents inside walls similar to the ones at the Laurens County DSS office and leaving not knowing when or if they would see their birth mom and dad again. Now, looking back, while Jacob and Chris likely can't put words to this yet, they are learning that we serve a God who is faithful and has taken great care of them in the midst of all those days of sadness, uncertainty and feeling scared. Jacob prayed a prayer of peace and protection over those children who would experience the same things he once did in the coming days. We believe he prayed it out of a confidence knowing that God is who He says He is. He is the One who is able to give these children peace beyond their understanding. God promises to protect and take care of them.

It is times like both of these that reminds me why we do what we do. It is also times like these that provide me with the assurance that God can work redemption and restoration in ALL circumstances. When we are in the middle of them, we often can't see or feel God at work, but He is. It has been  such an incredible journey to learn these truths right alongside of our children. We see them growing and also witness how God is using their story to help others. We couldn't be more grateful for our fostering and adoption journey. While it has definitely brought difficult days into our lives, it has also brought many joy filled days. Without this journey, I don't think my faith would have grown in the ways it has. And most definitely without it, our boys wouldn't be our adoptive sons and have a story that only the Great Author of Life could write. He is writing a beautiful story in which they are already able to begin telling about God's faithful work in their lives. All Glory be to God!

Missional Marriage

7 years ago we were only two weeks away from our wedding. I don't know about you, but I am a sucker for sentiment. I love reminiscing. With our anniversary approaching, I have found myself saying to Dan, "Do you remember what we were doing 7 years ago on this day?" Sometimes he plays along and tries to guess. But more often, I just go straight into telling him what I am remembering. "We were having a wedding shower at my cousin's house. That was such a great night with our family."....or I've said, "7 years ago today, we closed on our first home. Remember when we were so excited to be married and live TOGETHER in our very first home?!?"

However, with this type of recollection, it also causes us to look back at the sometimes hard truths of how life and marriage has turned out drastically different than either of us had ever expected. I remember thinking for most of my life that the events of my life would go like this...Happy wedding showers followed by a memorable wedding day followed by living in a beautiful home to having sweet baby showers to then welcoming lots of children.

But for us, it didn't happen this way. Instead, what God did give us was a mission in our marriage. And for us, this is far more than we could have ever imagined. 

Let me explain more. As most of my close friends and family know, we weren't given the gift of getting pregnant in the early years of our marriage. However, God didn't take away our desire to have children. At this point, Grace Church enters our story. Grace kept putting before us the huge need for foster parents. There was a great need for families who would welcome foster children into their homes. They were in need of folks who could help parents who are experiencing difficulty in their lives by caring for their children. Dan and I began the process of praying and asking God what it would look like to open ourselves up to this idea. 

What we found on the other side of this process was God's great affection for us. We found blessings that we didn't know possible. We experienced his kindness and grace for us. God gave us an opportunity to experience what Paul was describing in the first chapter of Ephesians. He has confirmed over and over that if we will allow him to, He works everything in conformity with the purpose of his will (Ephesians 1:5). Through this process, we began to see when we submit ourselves and lay our own plans down before God, He begins to transform us to care about the things he cares about. To love the things he loves. For His will to become our will. 

When our wills started to closer align with God's will, it became clearer what we were to do. I must add here that this is a process, part of His sanctification process for us. It is more of an ebb and flow than a destination. It is a daily struggle. I lay down my will and ask God to work, then I sometimes pick it back up again and try to work out my own plans for my life. Until I am reminded again of God's truth, at which He graces me the ability to lay it back down and surrender to Him...again.

So, seven years later, here we are...not only remembering...but also counting. Counting our blessings. Not only our physical blessings of our two boys who are no longer in foster care, but our adopted sons, but also our spiritual blessing of a missional marriage. Through this journey, God invited us to care about the things he cares about and therefore gifted us with a mission. A mission that called us to lay down our own ideas and plans and one that allows us to partner together with each other. But more importantly, one that glorifies God and helps accomplish His mission as husband and wife in this world. The mission of caring for orphans and vulnerable children. The mission of partnering with our church and organizations like Miracle Hill. We have considered it a privilege to partner with Miracle Hill as they live out their mission in Greenville, which is to give homeless children and adults food and shelter with compassion and hearing the Good news of Jesus.

This anniversary, Dan and I are looking forward to celebrating our missional marriage as we are only weeks away from opening our home again to another child. And to be completely honest, we wouldn't trade the gift of this mission with any plan that we could have come up with on our own.  

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ" Ephesians 1:3

When your son doesn't call you "Mom"

"Why does your son call you by your first name and not mom?" asked one of my curious fifth graders one day this past week. The question didn't come as a surprise to me as it is one that our family has gotten before. These types of questions are one of the many reasons I love my job being a teacher to fifth graders. Their eager to know spirits are one of the many things that make me love teaching this age group. They are often willing to ask anything that their inquiring minds want to know. So this particular day, it happened to be the question of how my two boys address me.

Since she asked in front of the boys, the ten year old and myself explained to her how he has two moms. It turned out to be a sweet moment as we were able to tell her together how I am his foster mom, soon to be adoptive mom, and he also has a birth mom, too. My student got her question answered and the conversation ended. However, for me and our boys, this is a reality that is a part of our stories that we will continue to think about in the days to come.

Some days, I wonder about this more than others. If I am honest, there is a part of me that longs to be called mom by our two boys.  Then, there is another part of me that believes this isn't necessary for me to be a mom to these two boys. It is somewhat of an indescribable feeling, but I wanted to try to put words to it. So here goes.

As of today, I have mothered these two boys for almost 3 years. And while I may not ever have the privilege of having them call me mom, I have already been filled beyond measure in other ways. I am the one who has the privilege of putting these boys in bed every night. The one who gets to pray with and for them about their days, their hopes, and their futures. I am the one who gets to hold their little hands as we walk through the parking lot at the grocery story. I am the one who they snuggle up next to and nestle their heads against me when they are cold or tired. The one who gets to wake them up every morning by kissing their sleepy faces. I get to be the one who helps them with their homework each day, reads with them, and practice their multiplication facts. I am the one who gets to wash their dirty socks and remind them to brush their teeth every morning. I get to watch them ride their bike and scooter and watch as they jump their new ramp they made. And then sometimes, after that, I am the one who gets to wipe their tears and bandage their scraped knees when they fall. I am the one who their teacher calls to tell me when they have had a good day, and also the one who they call when they’ve had a not so good day. I am the one who gets to make their favorite cupcakes on their birthdays. I am the one who they wake up in the middle of the night when they aren’t feeling well or had a bad dream. I get to hug them and tell them they are safe and to not be scared. I am the one who gets to tell them about how kind and good our God is and also the one who will have to tell them the truth of the brokenness and sin of this world we live in. I am the one who gets to celebrate with them when things in life go well and grieve with them when things in life don’t go as they want. I am the one who will get to remind them that they are deeply loved.

I will be the one to tell them how their story is exactly the one that God had perfectly planned out for them since the beginning of time.  

When I think of all these things, there are many emotions that I experience. One is a joy that wells up inside of me that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Another one is an overwhelming sense of peace that makes me truly believe that it really doesn’t matter what they call me. I am their mama. While I am not the one who brought them into this world, through God’s grace and mercy, I am the one He has chosen to walk with them and guide them through this world. I am the one who gets the privilege of pointing them to the One who is the author of their life. I am the One who has the privilege to teach them how to follow Jesus. To me, this is far better than any name I could ever be called. My one hope is that one day I will hear these words from Jesus, “Well done, my good and faithful servant”….and just maybe then I will also hear Him say, “Well done, mom.”

Foster Care is God's Redemptive Work

There have been several surprises along the way as my husband and I have become foster parents. One surprise, that has been both pleasant and painful at different times along the way, is how being involved in foster care has impacted my soul and increased my faith in Jesus. If you would have told me this three years ago when we began our journey into the foster care world, I would have wondered what exactly this would look like for me.
Foster care has helped me to know my Father's heart better and see His hand at work in this world more clearly than ever. 
In the beginning, my husband and I knew that foster care was going to be a ministry for us. We knew that we would be serving children and their families. We felt called to this and wanted to be a part of it. Therefore, as with pretty much all serving and ministering to people goes, we also had some idea that this work would be hard as we were going to get "up close" with broken families and hearts that were hurting.

What I wasn't fully prepared for was the empathy and love that I would not only feel for our foster children, but for their birth family as well. 

When we left the courthouse just a few short days ago, the rain was pouring down from the sky. As we drove away, it felt to me as if the rain hitting our windshield were heavy tears falling from a grieving God. The inside of my heart felt the sadness of what the weather was expressing outside at that moment. A few moments earlier, we had heard our foster boy's birth mom speak the words that she knew she couldn't take care of her boys in the way they needed her to. After that, she wept uncontrollably. Just one day prior, their father had made a similar confession. As I watched their birth mom cry, I could feel a deep pain well up inside of me that I think was only a fraction of the deeper pain inside of her. Everyone present felt the sadness. Whether everyone there that day could put words to what they were feeling, everyone knew this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. It wasn't how God had planned for families to work. He never wanted a mom or dad to not be able to care for their children. However, here we all were. And it has happened. 

Not only has it happened here. It happens everyday. It is part of the fallen world we live in. A few years earlier, my husband and I thought we would come alongside a family and care for their children while they got their lives back together. When we began, we thought the end would look different than it has turned out to be. For many months, we hoped and prayed for reconciliation for the family. We thought God would allow us to partner with Him to restore something that was in need of some extra help and love. As it turned out, He was inviting us to partner with him. It simply looked different than we had thought it would in the beginning. The longer I walk with Jesus, the more I learn that is often the way He works. If He told us how everything would turn out in the end, He knew we wouldn't depend on him every day in between...and oh, how I have needed Him every hour of this journey.

As I have been reflecting on these events for the past few days, it has shown me how deeply it hurts God to see our sin and brokenness in a way I have never seen before. I can't think of many other times in my life that I felt the pain all the way down to my core that results from living in a fallen world. Thankfully, our foster children, their families, and our own stories don't end here.  As I was feeling this hurt, I also felt him gently remind me of His great love for me and His people. It's in His nature to come running for us, right in the middle of our sin and pain, to tell us He still loves us in spite of our fallen nature. It is why He tells us in His Word that while we were still sinners, He died for us. He loves us so much that He doesn't leave us in our place of desperate need.  He is a redeeming God and He doesn't leave us in our brokenness. He stopped at nothing to bring us back to himself.

There is a bigger story being told in our foster care system. One that tells a story of redemption. One that we don't get to see the end from where we sit. However, God does see the end. He is asking us to trust him and be faithful to what he has called us to this day. And for us, for today, that looks like my husband and I creating space in our home and hearts for these two boys for FOREVER on this side of heaven. We are currently pursuing adoption of our foster boys, which we are beyond happy about by the way! There are some things that words can't quite capture, and the GREAT JOY that we feel knowing that God has chosen us to adopt these boys is one of them. We also believe (although we aren't quite sure what it looks like) that God has asked us to continue to pray for and love our boy's birth family.

We are more certain than ever that God is using foster care as part of his redemptive story. Whether He's restoring birth families or creating adoptive families, it's all part of His perfect plan. And while we know that only some folks are called to be foster parents, we do believe that He calls others to minister to foster parents. We have experienced this first hand. God has used our friends, our families, and He has also placed a group of folks from our church (our community group and our foster care wrap around community group) who have been with us every step of the way. There is no doubt in my mind that through their prayers, support, and service to us, they too have witnessed God's hand in every detail of this process. I believe God has increased their faith, allowed them see His heart for all people, and experience His redemptive work in a way that they might not have apart from their ministry to us. 

Summertime- Shaping in the Serving

This post has been one in the making of my heart and mind for quite a while and I am just now getting around to putting my thoughts into words. Mostly, I write down these thoughts for myself so I am able to look back and be reminded at how the Lord worked in my own heart, but also am hopeful that it may be an encouragement to others.
This summer has been one of the most challenging by far. I know that most of you want to roll your eyes at this statement, especially for those who know that I am a teacher and think this is not possible for me to have a "challenge" when I get a break from my job as a teacher during summer. Most people think that a chance to enjoy a slower pace of life shouldn't have any challenges. Those folks also may think that I am complaining and not grateful for a break away from my job in the classroom. So, I preface this by saying I am filled with much gratitude for this season called summer. My boys and I have enjoyed many relaxing mornings filled with coffee, reading scripture together, and going from pj's to swim suits and back to pj's.
As I look back on the past two months, I remember many days ending with me telling my husband that I feel like I live the same day over and over again when it comes to teaching our two boys. We have a rising fourth grader and rising second grader this summer. Both boys have shown growth in many areas since coming to live with us over two years ago. However, one area rises to the top as being the most difficult and if I am honest, feels like the one in which it is hard to see growth. Both boys came to us pretty much as non readers. So, the educator in me, thought that I would take the opportunity of summer time to really invest in their reading and math skills. So, our first summer together came and went. Summer number two came and went. We worked on reading and math both summers and saw little growth. When summer three arrived two months ago, I thought to myself, "This is the summer. This is going to be the summer when my work gets easier and pays off and I will finally get to see a lot of progress!" But as I have began to face reality recently, these past two months have been full of days that have actually felt the complete opposite of that.
We have a routine for our summer days that consist of reading and working on math facts before any screen time. Screen time includes anything that has a screen, like tablets, gaming systems, and tv. I thought this would be a great motivator considering how much the boys love anything with a screen involved! A few weeks in, I found it was a good motivator for the ten year old as he would get his work done quickly to earn his screen time. The eight year old was a bit of a different story. He would think of anything to do besides reading and math. He would play in his room, play outside, even help me with chores to not have to do the hard work of reading. But, I would eventually have to make him and more days than not, this time began and ended with tears. He would explain how reading is still so hard for him. I do recognize how much effort it takes on his part to still sound out words and try to make meaning of the words on the page. My heart aches for him as I watch how hard this task is for him. But, I know how much he needs to practice in order to keep making progress. I keep telling him how it takes practice to continue to make progress. I feel like this statement has been on repeat day after day.
As I think about summer coming to a close, I sometimes get sad that reading for them is simply not enjoyable. Not only is it something they dislike, it is indeed something that is still really frustrating. I can feel defeated that this is still something we are struggling with three summers later.
Then, just as God always does when we invite him into the hard places, He met me here and reminded me of some beautiful truths. He did this through His Word and His Spirit through the words of my husband.
Dan would remind me on our summer evenings that often times, our work is hard and frustrating. Sometimes we don't even get to see the progress of our work. We work simply because God has called us to it. God has asked me to love and teach these boys. Period. The verses from Colossians that I have meditated on (sometimes right in the middle of one of the boys SLOWLY reading a book) say, " Work willingly at WHATEVER you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ."
These timeless truths from God's word speak to me right in the middle of our books. I am NOT only doing this tiring work so these boys will be better readers. I am doing it because the Lord has asked me to. And that is enough of a reason to keep on keeping on. Day after day. When the tears come, when the complaining comes, when it feels as if I can't do it one more day because it seems like it doesn't make any difference whether I do this work or not...God's Word tells me that it does make a difference. It does matter. It is work that is serving Christ, my Lord. No matter what the results are, this work is shaping me. It is showing me that sometimes my work only matters to the Lord.
Dan would also point me towards the idea that the fruit of my work may be more in teaching our boys discipline. Most children don't want to work at something that is hard for them, especially during the summer. They want to do things that they are good at, things that come easy to them, and things that are fun. However, a lot of times, God asks us to do something for the sake of doing it, becoming more disciplined in the process. On the surface, it feels like I am only teaching them how to sound out words and use good reading strategies. But then, when I take a step back, I wonder if it could be more about teaching them to deny self, teaching them how to have discipline in other areas later in life. Our boys, like a lot of young children, haven't done too many things that are hard and require work...a lot of work. They need loving adults in their life to model how to work for them and push them into areas that require hard work for them. This is my job as their mom. Not one that is easy, but I am learning that it is one that is necessary.
So, I am actually beginning to see that there just may be some purpose in my work this summer. Just when it felt like there wasn't many tangible results from the work that we have ALL been doing in our home this summer, it appears that there may be some deeper and more meaningful purposes to all this. I am learning that God has purpose in all of our work and that if we allow them, He is using it all for our good and His Glory!