What the Resurrection is teaching me about my infertility

Most folks who know us, know that we have been struggling with infertility for a few years now. It is an up and down journey for sure, for me especially. If I am completely honest, it is one that on most days, I can't see anything good in it. However, as I woke up this morning after celebrating Easter this year, I found that God had given me a new hope to cling to, which gave me a peace that surpasses my own understanding. This year, the celebration of our Lord’s resurrection resonated with me in a different and new way than it ever has in the past. Over the past few years, I find myself getting caught on this cycle that I am running out of time and I need to get all that I can out of this life before “my time is up”. A big part of getting all that I can out of this life is having a baby. On most days, I cannot think of anything that would be more fulfilling in this life.                                                                 

That is until I reflect on the cross and the resurrection.  This Easter season, when I came face to face with the fact that Jesus has conquered death for me because I believe and rely on him for my own resurrection one day, I have somehow been changed for the better. The truth of the resurrection has given me a new perspective this year. As I think about what this really means, it makes my desires, including my baby hunger, seem to fade away a bit in the light of the reality of what the resurrection means for me. The idea that I woke with today and continued to have as I spent time with the Lord this morning is that I don’t have to squeeze all that I can out of this earthly body of mine and my time here. I am trying to learn what it means to live out two truths. The first one is that my life is not my own.  I have been purchased at a great price, the blood of Jesus.  Galatians 2:20 states, "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live." Paul's words written here are more alive and meaningful to me today than ever before. The life I live is for Christ, not myself. The second truth is that this life here on earth is not all that I have been promised. Therefore, I don't have to squeeze everything I can out of this life. I have a rich inheritance and a resurrected life that is guaranteed to me through my risen Savior. This is such a freeing thought for me today. I know, to most, it may seem way too simple. However, for some reason, it has fallen on me in such a new and fresh way today. It allows me to exhale and not be so worried about what I experience or don't experience here in this life. It helps me to not be so sad about my infertility. It allows me to see my time here for what it is, an offering to Jesus for what He has done for me. It allows me to not think of my days as ones that I have to try to get as much as what I want or think I need out of them. Like I stated earlier, it is a shift in perspective. One that I need today and everyday. 

So, for now, I am going to live this day in the way that I believe God wants me to. I am going to the Children's museum with two little boys that God has given us the privilege to foster and love. I don't want to miss the opportunities that God gives me each day to serve and live for him. It is the least that I can do as an offering to him for the great sacrifice of love that he gave me on the cross. It is the least that I can do for the resurrected life that he promises to me through his resurrection. Also,  it is the least that I can do for the all the ways that he presently gives me his grace, mercy and love each and everyday. 
So, for today, I cannot think of anything more fulfilling than the opportunity to live my life as an offering to Jesus. 

“For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. " Philippians 1:21