Top Ten things I've learned from Fostering, Parenting, and Just Living Life This Past Year

       Exactly one year ago this weekend, our lives were changed forever. April 24, 2015  marks a day that was the beginning of a season that has most definitely shaped our family for the better. We got a call from DSS the day before sharing that there were two little boys who needed a home for an undetermined amount of time. At that time, Dan and I were asked to open our home to these two boys to come live with us. We prayed about it and felt like this is something we were supposed to do. We agreed to meet the boys and their DSS social worker the following day and bring them into our home. We knew from day one that our paths were meant to cross with these boys.
      One another quick side note, if you know my husband and I, you know we love making top ten lists. We most always make them together after a big event. It is kinda a fun tradition that we began when we were dating. We have continued this tradition with the boys this year. After a vacation or a fun day together, we make a top ten list of the things we really enjoyed about that particular event. The boys have loved it and have jumped right in to participating in this game with us. So, in true top ten fashion, I have titled this post "Top Ten things I've learned from Fostering, Parenting, and Just Living Life This Past Year".

#10- "Don't hold on to these children so tightly, they are not yours to keep forever." We were told that the timing was unknown as to how long they boys would be with us. So, with that in mind, we have truly been able to hold them with an open hand. People have asked me all the time how we do what we do. They have said things like, "I couldn't do it. I would get too attached." Well, to answer that question, we have most definitely gotten attached to these boys. We love them with all of our hearts. I can't imagine loving them any more than if I had met them on day one of their life. But, it doesn't change the fact that these boys don't belong to us. Ultimately, these boys, and all children for that matter, belong to their maker, God. Therefore, God has given us a special gift of realization that the boys have been given to us to take care of for maybe 1 year or maybe for the rest of our lives. Even if its the latter, that is still a small amount of time in the context of eternity. We are ever so grateful for the time we have been given with them, no matter how long it is.

#9- "Make the most of every moment." Because of number 10 being true, Dan and I have walked through the past year never knowing how much time we have left with them. Therefore, we have tried to really use our time wisely with these boys. We have tried to teach them things like how to work hard, respect authority, and have good character. We have also tried to really show them what it means to love God with your whole heart, mind, and soul. We weren't sure if they would leave our home in 6 months, 9 months, or never. Some days over the past year, we thought they would be leaving us soon, so we felt an sense of urgency to be sure we used our time and influence the best we could. We wanted to make sure we imprinted them with the things that we feel God has shown us are most important in this world.

#8-  "Your things will be destroyed and broken, and that's okay they are just that. Things." Our home looks more lived in over the past year than ever before. We have doors that have been broken, floors that have been chipped, brand new toys that never live to see their second day. In the beginning, I wanted to cry sometimes when something was broken. But now, I have learned that this is part of having kids live in your home, especially boys. They will destroy things and life will go on. Some things can be fixed, and others can't. I was more relaxed and enjoyed the boys more when I accepted this as a reality.

#7- "Children will do what they see modeled to them." I kept a journal of the first few months that they boys were with us. I read back through the first days of the journal this weekend. One thing that stood out to me was the experience of  praying with the boys during their first few days in our home. Every night before putting them to bed, Dan or I would pray with them. By the fifth night, the eight year old asked if he could pray. We were sort of shocked and happy all at the same time, and answered, "Of course!" His first out loud prayer in our presence went like this... "Dear God, thank you for bringing us all together. That is all I have to say. Amen" It was super sweet and brings tears to my eyes all over again as I write this. This is the same thing that Dan and I had prayed the previous four nights, and now he was praying the same thing. He copied what he heard us pray. Dan and I  looked at one another and smiled. I know it made God smile, too.

#6- "You will find more life when you give yours away." I know some of you have heard me say this before, but this past year has proven this promise to be true even more in my life. I am continuously in amazement how this promise works, but so thankful it always does. Often times, I think that I can't give any more of my life away. Either I am too exhausted or too selfish. But, when I do, I always find more of the life that Jesus is talking about here. I feel more filled with purpose after I have chosen to give my life away for the sake of the gospel. I know that when I give, God gives me more inner fulfillment that I could have ever asked for or imagined. It is a mysterious, yet incredible exchange.

#5- "It takes a village." If you are thinking of fostering or just having children for that matter, you truly need others to surround you. We could not have done the past year without the help from so many. Our family, our friends, our church, our community group, and our wrap around community group have served us in ways that we could never even list everything that others have done to serve us. It is one of the most humbling things about this experience, yet also one of the biggest ways I have seen God's faithfulness and provision for us.

#4- "They bring us delight." This is one of the most simple things I've learned, but yet a very important one. We have laughed more and enjoyed life in new ways this past year. We also are filled with joy when we see them understanding the truths of God and themselves.  I think that our father delights in us this way, too. When God sees us delight in him, I believe he delights in us. I have felt this to be true when my heart swells up with delight when I see the boys responding to God's love for them.

#3 - "They have taught us just as much, if not more, than we have taught them." We have grown so much in learning about how to parent, how not to parent, how to love more, how to give more, how to share more, how to be more patient, how to be more selfless. Sometimes, we think that we have more to offer children because we have lived more life and have more wisdom from our experiences. While this is true, we have learned parenting is a discipleship issue not only for our children, but also for us. We have found that right in the midst of parenting, God is using it to disciple us to be a more faithful follower of his as well. We should always be learning and if we let them, our experiences with our children will teach us and will help us to continue to grow into the men and women who God created us to be.

#2- "I believe in the ministry of fostering and adopting even more today than I did a year ago." We knew this was an area that God was calling us to be a part of, but we didn't know how much our belief would increase in this ministry the more time we spent here. Dan and I both feel like we share God's heart for orphans and vulnerable children in ways we didn't a year ago. We are advocates for these boys placed in our home, but also feel like God has given us a calling to be advocates for this ministry. After going to court hearings, foster care review board meetings, foster care training, and interacting with social workers, guardian ad litems, and all the people involved with these children, we see a greater need for the church to partner with these systems and help. We feel privileged to share our experience and especially love when others catch the vision and share in God's heart for these children.

#1- "God's plan for us is perfect." God is sovereign over our lives and these boys' lives. While we may not have picked for these boys to go through the tragedy of this experience of being removed from their home, we believe that God is in control and loves these boys way more than we do. We have also seen this more clearly in our lives as well. Often times, we think we know what is best for ourselves, and most of those times, I'm learning that God has a different plan. A way better one.

If you have made it reading this far in this post, thank you for taking the time to read some of my thoughts about the past year. I hope you enjoyed it half as much as I did writing it. Now, we are going out to eat at Cracker Barrel. This is where we first met the boys a year ago. It is a celebration and a chance to look back and thank God for the past year. Then, we are going out for a fun family outing somewhere yet to be determined. Who knows...maybe we will make a top ten list about our day afterwards. It's a fun way to savor the experience. You should try it sometime.